our dystopian golden age
The current year is 2024. It feels really draining to be in the present day, present time. [lain] I'm feeling forced to consume and react by people puppeteering my brain against itself. I am sick of laying in bed. I am tired of being invaded with unsolicited advice. Most of all I am bored of being told at it's core life is bad and we are powerless to fix it.
I'm a big believer that society reflects our inner world, not the other way around. We're a deeply traumatized species. On both an individual and collective level. Yet we are told to keep going. That time feeling through your traumas is pointless. What is even wasted time though? I'm the only person that assigns value to my time. Releasing pain is only as cathartic as much as you're willing to face it for what it is.
When I avoid my traumas I usually turn to my addictions. Addiction pushes it all down a lot deeper. When my nervous system is overwhelming me the only thing I want to do is deafen the screaming. Every workaholic, addict, and NEET I've ever known is guilty of this as well. It is gross work to finger the glass out of your wounds. Is it better to leave them there to become infected? I don't think so.
Now that I've been changing my relationship with my feelings I've come to find cynics unbearable. It's always the people that think they know everything too! There is a specific cynic in my life who I will not name. She is too hypnotized by the advertisement of death that I don't feel she is entirely self aware. . This zombification of the heart, when given permission, is never satisfied with being the only one. Any emotional response to injustice is dismissed by the cynical as naivete. All joy is temporary, yet suffering is permanent. I disagree! Change is inevitable. It is all temporary and should be responded to with a delicate intention.
It is a thankless job to pick joy on the hero's journey. You fall off your horse. People push you off. You get sick of getting back up. The observer sees your path so clearly yet all you can find is chaos with no end in sight. It takes a lot of bravery to find satisfaction in uncertainty. It is easier to pick apart the world in scrutiny, to wait to be saved, to work yourself to death. It's in our human instinct to kill if needed to survive, so who exactly is getting to decide what we cannot overcome?
There's this quote in the movie Suckerpunch (good movie) that I always come back to.
"Who honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we will never die? Who teaches us what's real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend? Who chains us? And who holds the key that can set us free... It's you. "
