my birth chart: a mini breakdown
I've been wanting to sit down and actually take notes on my astrological chart for a while now. At the time of reading this, I'm not a studied astrologer. I got into it from my most recent tarot deck, which uses a lot of astrological symbols in its imagery. There's something about breaking down your embodiment into multiple archetypes that makes my individual life more digestible.
My Cancer stellium is my dominant energy. Cancer is typically seen as the nurturing archetype. A stellium is a cluster of three or more planets in a single zodiac sign or house. Mine is in my tenth house. The house of career, power, and reputation. I've never consulted people if I have any influence to interpret, but I can speak on it from my perspective. I wear a lot of my emotions on the outside. This can be great in the sense that other emotional people find solace in me. It can also backfire because my feelings can take up more space in social situations than I intend. I'm very comfortable with being my emotional self in the arts. My Venus and my Mars, I can express my love and anger openly, and it's generally a rewarding experience for me. This speaks to my North Node, this public image of intense emotion is my destiny and is how I rebel from my origins. It's also clustered with my Sun, which is interesting as someone who has an ego around their sensitivity. I don't think my art made from an absence of strong emotion is very good. When people tell me they like my older art better, I'm more confused than disappointed. I don't see the value in art that's just nice to look at. I think pure catharsis or imitation of the mind's eye make superior works.
My fourth house is the source of a lot of my trouble. The fourth house is the home and the family, and mine is in Capricorn. Capricorn is associated with responsibility. My South Node is here. I had a really hard home life, and my family often put me in chaotic, inappropriate situations because of a lack of responsibility. I grew up under the impression that life is supposed to be hard and you are on your own. My Lilith is also here, which is an interesting sign. It can be our most destructive, and it can also be our most seductive quality simultaneously. People are always inviting me to their homes. People prefer to hang out in my room instead of going out. I've been told I just have a cozy energy. Yet, I've been running away from home as long as I can remember. I can feel trapped at home, especially if it's stressful, and will run away in the midst of tension. This placement causes a lot of problems in my love life. Partners, especially men, will see my running as a challenge when sometimes it's not appropriate. I also attract a lot of people who are looking for wives and mothers. I don't think I want to be either of these things the more I think about it. I've always been under the impression that children are a prison. This is also confusing for others because I'm someone with a lot of homemaking talents like cooking, sewing, gardening, etc.
The ninth house is the house of learning and exploration, and mine is on a cusp between Gemini and Taurus. My Moon and Jupiter are in Gemini. I always want to learn something new. I tend to meet new people through exploring new spheres of thought or honing a skill. I have this desire to change my life path constantly, because I love starting new things more than keeping up something I've already mastered. That's where my Saturn in Taurus comes in. I need to learn how to refine my approach to learning to support higher life-long pursuits. This would be straightforward if I wasn't naturally inclined to rebel.
The fifth house is the self-expression house. Mine is in Aquarius, rebellious. I like anarchic things. I enjoy expressing new religious and political ideas. I don't like stale approaches to anything. In all honesty, I don't fully understand these placements yet, because I've never really discussed it with a like-minded person. Not yet anyway. It's easier when there's someone that appreciates the same means of expression as you. If I had the opportunity, I'd want to unravel the myth of shame with them. The devilification of darkness. I have no interest in diagnosing why we are like this, but rather how lovely these gifts are. Sometimes I feel very lonely in my creativity because I'm not sure if I've found someone who appreciates it on an intimate level in my physical world. I like to think this will change one day.
My third house is in Sagittarius. This one is hard for me to talk about. It's the communication house. My Pluto and Chiron are here. My words can be very powerful but also very destructive. I have a very forward way of speaking and tend to speak with a very particular choice of words. It's not something I consciously think about, but people have always complimented me on being articulate at a young age. This confidence has eroded over time, because while I have talked myself out of bad situations, I have also hurt and destroyed things with words alone. I'm very cruel. I know exactly how to hurt someone without having to think about it much prior to a conversation. This is something I'm actually ashamed of, even though I've failed at hiding it time and time again. Lately, I've been wondering if leaning into the Sagittarius energy of strong intention would remedy this trait of mine. All words as an ongoing prayer, and to not speak on evil. Yet sometimes I find rejecting that brashness can have explosive consequences. It's complicated and it scares me.
These are the only placements I'll be writing about. They are the only ones that have really been on my mind lately. I'm okay with people poking into my other placements and things like conjunctions and parallels. If you want to quantify our potential love through esoteric means, that's fine too! Much fun to be had there.
