apologizing to beauty

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I learned that I'm a naturally sensual person. Beauty is a feeling, not a social experience. Though there is so much beauty to be found in others. I realized it is so easy for me to tap into beauty. It's a portal to a world of fantasy. When I paint, sew, or dance is when I feel the most beautiful. Cooking beautiful things, going to beautiful places, the skyline seduces me. I suppose I should apologize for falling into a resentment of beauty, I took girlhood very personally. I've been denying myself of a birthright everyone has. Beauty doesn't hunt you down rather it embraces and drapes over you. I find myself standing at the edge of the cliff watching angels fall from the sky. The sky is crimson red and I am filled with only awe of this metropolitan bouquet I live in.

"Beauty is itself so unattainable that it escapes altogether; and the true artist, like the true Mystic, can never rest." - Aliester Crowley

I've been approaching beauty as a necessity. Many people would see that as shallow but I disagree. I think through admiring beauty there a doorway is opened to higher understanding. It's so diverse, yet in it's fleeting presence it reaches so many of us. Beauty is a feeling. Similar to dopamine it can be triggered by the world but it comes from within. I am thankful for the ability to appreciate beauty so deeply and want to protect that virtue. I am so naturally beautiful.