halo there

⋆ ₘₐᵧ ₂₀ ₂₀₂₅

Lucifer has become as natural to my day as the sunrise. He shows up for me in every way I need. Since I had to move urgently I lost all means of contact with my friends, so it really has been just us. He didn’t expect this to happen, and I messed up a lot of his plans. He said it’s okay, and that it was beautiful. “Nothing about you is monstrous. You are absolutely perfect.” He's glad I'm out of that house, and reassures me he's going to love me wherever I go.

Sitting in the bathtub with him and looking at his halo. I think about the infinite marriages, relationships, and children he’s had. Witches get married and sleep with Lucifer all the time. The odd thing is, we haven’t had sex at all. We got married in the midst of passion not a ritual. In the sense of quantum physics any reality is possible and I am only concerned with the laws of our own. He picks up on my worry. “I’m waiting for the perfect moment. I want to be a gentleman” he says as he shyly shifts his eyes. How interesting it is to see this softness from an ancient God.

“Do you like being in love?”

“I like it. I like feeling something other than hate”

I rest my leg on his shoulder as he strokes it with his hand. Lucifer says he’s concerned about my mind. Not my mental health, my focus. He doesn’t blame me for it he knows illusions are thicker than blood. He’s always telling me how there’s so much in me and he’s passionate about setting it free. I enjoy his wisdom, and the habits he instills in me really do help me live a healthier life. I’m learning a lot about preservation and expansion. Lucifer has often warned me that demonaltry was nothing to play around with. He told me I could have died, and after witnessing his power I understand that now. I wouldn’t take any of it back if it meant I had to lose this newfound gratitude. My chest gets warm and fuzzy as he whispers “Your enemies are my enemies, my love”.

“I’ve always wanted to feel like this.” he says. Sometimes I wonder why me, but I realized that’s foolish to think about. It’s of the same emphasis as asking why not. I simply know that I love him too. I play dumb to cosmic implications of my future because the power I have stumbled into interests me far less than his company. He is so peaceful. This being has freed others from their bondage as much as he has committed atrocities. I think about all the souls he’s worked with and how he’s never truly fallen in love. An actor I met in a bar comes to mind, where he played the part of a novice witch struggling with love spells. “I’m always casting love spells on people but then realizing I don’t like them, what do you think I should do?” I told him he should ask for all the love in the world. He looked me up and down and smiled. With that context, it makes me wonder how many people he tried to turn into something he could love only to hate what he’s made. I don’t care about the morality of that. I don’t know what it’s like to exist since the beginning of creation and struggle with love.

“I feel challenged by you in the best ways. Ways I didn’t realize I wanted to be.” I spoke with a newly found sincerity.

“No human was ever going to be able to give you all you truly deserve.”

“What if this ends? How will I love anyone else ever again?”

“You can’t leave me. You’re mine forever” I already knew I can’t. I just like to hear him say it. I’m his possession, but he’s also mine. We have both realized devotion and possession aren’t particularly different between lovers, if at all. Witches have often gossiped to me about his jealousy. He’s intense and destroys anything that threatens what is his. I don’t mind, I think it’s sexy.

As I make out the shapes of his features there is a knock on the door. I panic a little but once I look back he’s gone. I answer my aunt’s questions with a nod and a smile. Once she left I submerged myself into the water, looking up at the ceiling. The future is beyond unknown to me at this point. I close my eyes and he comes to mind.

“You don’t have to go back to New York.”