hentai that haunts me

I love eroguro. I download Suehiro Maruo and Shintaro Kago manga scans from image boards and collect them in a desktop file named "my garden". I got into it around the same time I started playing noise shows in the city. I love how forbidden and intense it is! Sometimes I don't want to be comforted by art, I just want to feel everything at once.

When you're raised a girl, this kind of art is a different experience. You find yourself identifying with the traumas depicted and have to start asking yourself hard questions. I got really into Euphoria when I started practicing demonaltry. The atmosphere of that franchise was the only thing that would bring me a sense of comfort. Something about immersing yourself into chaos can only be soothed by the fantasy of being trapped in a blank white room with a bomb around your neck.

I read an article that said Euphoria was feminist and I think that's a stupid thing to say. I think people throw around the word feminist all the time for things that aren't even empowering in subtext. I do think the way Euphoria depicts society, and gender, is admitably really fascinating. Man forced into the position of sadistic conquest in order to push above his station and woman as simultaneously his key to progression and sacrificial lamb. Then the added scenario of his enjoyment of it, and his somewhat performative struggle with his own nature as if observing himself rather than being his own judgement. I also think Rika is not talked about enough in the sense what she does morally is absolutely diabolical. Taking the role of child during such a terrifying situation, assuming you don't know better despite the grotesque happening right before you, and claiming the rewards of other people's trauma because of helplessness is a hidden yet common evil. How many times have you seen someone act oblivious to their devious actions by feigning weakness?

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ spoilers for Song of Saya ahead ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

My top VN of all time is Song of Saya (literally me) and I think I could talk about it forever the same way I did Catherine. The one thing that's been on my mind is the idea of being an outsider in that universe. You're living your ordinary life and suddenly you are merged to an eternal flesh hivemind controlled by a lovecraftian God. It's so sudden and terrifying! That game is so good at not leaving your mind. The part where the father beats his family to death thinking their monsters gets me. It's such a horrifying thought to be slaughtering your real family and not even know it, but it's even scarier to so suddenly be killed by a family member you've always trusted. It sounds so extreme but how many times have you just come home to you parent being in a really bad mood or worst case scenario a sudden domestic dispute? It's like everything in life just needs a subtle push to become fatal.

I guess that's why I like this kind of stuff, though. Art reveals what's hidden to us all the time. It's a forbidden lense to see the world in but for me feels really vital. I don't like pretending the world is only "goodness". Rewriting suffering is cruel to those who suffer. Art should be dangerous so those endangered can feel safe to create. I know this is sometimes not the intent of these artists, but I don't really care. My interpretation is primary and gives me the most value, while the intention of the artist is appreciated, it only serves my experience at the end of the day.