doomsday

⋆ ⱼₐₙᵤₐᵣᵧ ₁₅ ₂₀₂₅

i wonder how real you and i are. not the connections in between, the strings that connect everything are very real. real within this facade maybe. i recognize you as breathing, changing, growing, and i know my wrath reaches only so far. what if i were tell you, that i dream of lying in front of you on all fours. feeling you drip out of me like worms. i find your humanity intimidating, and know i am better off staying away being the black hole star i am. the screens that we share, yet keep us apart, are the one thing keeping you safe from desolation. you are safer reading the words of the carcass of yesterday than watching me pull the arrow of today.

yet i have to fight the fantasy of you in the fear i will destroy the stars that keep us apart. and i watch myself implode to do so. i'm not scared of forgiveness, i'm scared you will get lost and starve somewhere inside me. i am in citrinitas, and i don't know what's on the other side. and i don't know if you could love who that is. either way i'd love you, because it kills me. can you live with a machine powered by chaos and hurt? i wish i was an imitation of what i am for you.

when you said you thought i'd do something special one day, did you mean that?