being one square on an ancient tapestry

⋆ ⱼₐₙᵤₐᵣᵧ ₂₉ ₂₀₂₅

It struck me today that the depth's of my hardships run deeper than skin. I'm the result generations of suffering, systemically and psychologically. I'm a slurry of enslavement, colonization, and war. The ripples of every event and choice made by those before me, in a world where we choose very little. I am trauma incarnate. An organic weapon of mass destruction.

There's so much opportunity at rock bottom because chaos is all around, if you're open to it. I like to think chaos is the perfect energy source for any occult engine. If you feel ever inclined to harness chaos, just reach in and wield. Twist the blade while you pull it out, so you never forget where it came from.

I can't just surrender to hardship bigger than myself. That would be the logical thing, the reasonable thing. My survival doesn't feel like it's just about me. It feels easier when it's not about me alone. There's this chair I used to sit in as a baby. It was a red velvet chair my great grandparents would sit me in like a doll. I feel a deep longing to sit in that chair again.