baby's first demon

⋆ 𝒻ₑᵦᵣᵤₐᵣᵧ ₁₈ ₂₀₂₅

My first experience with demons was while I was going to catholic school as a kid. I stood out in grade school with my over-eye bang and skelanimals lunch box, hanging around girls who listened to Black Veil Brides and stole their big sisters' cigarettes. I got bullied a lot but it's not personal, with innocence comes unfiltered cruelty. I always felt spiritually alien. The church didn't invoke any kind of holy presence within me. I think with all that considered, and the constant questioning of the BIble during study.

I don't remember my time from catholic school enough to remember or decipher where Christ ends and Satan begins. Sometimes I feel like Satan's reign is more powerful over catholics than JC ever was, or that they were two faces of the same thing. The more people spoke of Christ, the more they had to speak of Satan. More people learned of Satan the more dedicated they were to seeing him in anything. Including little emo girls.

"Let Jesus into your heart" is a pretty convincing invocation of an entity. Can you really let in one without the other. The dark lord of illusions and deception. To pursue the offices of Heaven in your mind is it necessary to completely reject darkness. I've always felt the narrative was manipulative. As if the biblical god himself did not lie and deceive. There were so many elaborate hypocricies and backwards laws.

Looking back I feel like every time I was in the heart of Satan. Hierarchal, patriarchal falsehood dedicated on estimating my worth against my better judgement. The sensation of faith is not worth the weight of guilt. If that faith involves instilling guilt into others, then it's not a virtue but a desperation. There is no spiritual war, and this existence is as harmonious as I'll let it be.