the struggle of gratitude in the midst of misanthropy and nihilism

⋆ 𝒻ₑᵦᵣᵤₐᵣᵧ ₂₁ ₂₀₂₅

Everyone has figured out happiness except you. This thought comes to me every time I go outside alone lately. I often wonder if people see me as broken with little to no context of who I am, and that's why people don't approach me. I know that's not actually true. The real answers are probably more mundane and shallow and everyone is suffering in their own rhythm. It could be lame that we are limited to the data of our own experiences, but if universal facts existed they'd probably be really boring.

In the realm of thought where nothing is everything it is challenging to be grateful. Some nihilist writers are just blatantly ungrateful if not most of them even if their thoughts have merit. Pondering in the absence of essence is a luxury only truly bored and miserable get to experience. It's not that the philosophy is bad, I agree with it for the most part. There is just no evolution pass the propositions of nihilism that I feel integrate it into mystical spheres of thinking.

I think the key to nihilistic peace is to be grateful for your life as an experience rather than comparing it to the sentiment that there is to be some kind of grand resolution to life. There is simply nowhere else to be. We are asleep in neither nightmares or dreams, but in an entirely lucid state. It is an unfolding experience individual to you alone. We are all a sparkling dust bracing for the crash of Saturn's ring.

If you witness your life and no one else was there to witness it, did you live at all? Who really cares. There are many lives unfolding and very few if any you would actually want to experience yourself. It is easier for me to be grateful when I reject the idea that life is suppose to have meaning or a special objective. Life can be the pursuit of killing time if you want it to be. There are a lot of things I like to do to kill time. I like to sleep, watch cartoons, and nature. I have a lot of hobbies. All these things are things I'm grateful for.

I enjoy being grateful and don't need it to mean anything. It makes me feel better.