life update: Losing Myself while Trying to find my Place

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I've always envied predictability of convention, but I always seem at odds with who I really am.

I haven't been updating because I've been moving a lot. I've moved five times so far this year, but only in the span of two months. The house I grew up in is going through some legal trouble, and I'm not really involved with the case enough to speak on it. All I know is that I'm getting older and really want to find a home. My parents have always been very busy with their own lives, so I've come to realize I've wanted that for a long time. I get really burned out in traditional education settings, and I've been navigating a lot of life alone. I have all these ideas I want to act on, but I can't seem to build myself any kind of consistency. I've been living with my sick grandmother for the past four years, and I am exhausted from feeling trapped.

Outside of moving, I travel a lot in general. I like to travel! There is one trip I'd like to share here because I got to make one of my favorite web art performances so far. I like going to different hacker spaces and seeing what people are working on. You can learn a lot about the local culture through the craftsmanship that's popular there. If I ever get more financially stable, I'd like to learn a new skill from every place I go.

I've also been drawing again. I'm retiring digital art for now. I realized somewhere along the way I lost myself to the undo button. I've been returning to pencil and paper, experimenting with what art made just for myself is like. I tried to run an art Instagram at some point, but looking back at my digital pieces, a lot of them are very influenced by the algorithm. I've been trying to figure out what kind of art is truly satisfying to me, and as hard as it is, I know I have to commit to being fearless.