heartache

⋆ ᵈᵉᶜₑₘᵦₑᵣ ₁₃ ₂₀₂₄

This is the price I pay for a lack of indifference. It's oppressive, and it's revolutionary. I'm sad and I'm proud. Miserable that it happened the way it did. Proud to have collected the experience. The fire will banish all, this is the power of the flame.

Night and day. Blood and water. Love and hate. It's all the same.

Rejection strikes deeper depending on how invested you were prior. Losing your dream job can hurt as much as walking away from your crush. Through expectation, I've become a victim of hope. Hope and despair, the same. There is no shame in these feelings, they are the filter that make these experiences interesting. Without gratitude there is no point in chasing good things.

What about absence? Can absence and presence be the same as well? One cannot exist without the other. People were once never part of our lives so why is it so hard to imagine life without them after? If people aren't good for us, why do they appear? It could be to learn. People can be mirrors of ourselves sometimes. Something you notice the deeper you fall into the subconscious mind is people come and go rapidly. Things can start so intensely and burn out so quick.

It'll never get old. Missing someone. I don't want anything in particular, just for the feelings to change and evolve. I just gotta feel it out. I get a little too caught up in myself, like my heart intersects with the climate of my mind. The storm will calm eventually. That's the nature of it all.