calling my own bluff

⋆ ₘₐᵣ𝒸ₕ ₃₀ ₂₀₂₅

i am a lil scared of falling in love lately!!!!!

It's a good problem. There's a lot of interesting people in my life. Intimacy without labels is one thing but lately I'm really worried I'll fall in love with someone then I'll want them and them only. I know that's a good thing, and I should go with it. I'm scared of making the wrong choice of a partner again even though my last relationship was at a completely different phase of my life. Fear is so silly though! Change is inevitable. Change is changing!

I don't even know why I'm scared. I'm in a phase where I'm always meeting new people and I've never felt more real. It's an entirely new feeling to go to places and be recognized and welcomed. I always grew up knowing adult popularity was going to be way better than teen popularity and I was right. Being surrounded by people at different ages and walks of life is so much more enriching. I was never popular growing up. I barely went to school.

The two years after COVID were the loneliest of my life. I was lucky to have my grandmother as a friend, but it still hurt not to have any friends. Things are so much better now. If you're in an isolated, lonely place I promise it doesn't have to be forever. You have every right to pursue the life you want to live. Change!! Never stop changing!!!

Anyway, when it comes to my love life I know I'll figure it out. My philosophy of love is that it's a unification of the dark and the light. We reveal so much of ourselves in love. It'll be a really special day when someone shows me their "flaws" and all it makes me do is love them more.