a strange feeling

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I saw that clip of Christopher Lee saying his occult collection drove him to lose his mind and his soul. It reminded me of this sensation I've been experiencing. It's hard to explain. There are these little bite mark imprints in my essence that I cannot seem to get back. While I'm grateful for black magic, in the sense it gave me perspective on the true value of materialism, there are undeniably parts of me gone forever. I can't get them back and I can't seem to even remember what I lost. It somehow feels bigger than me yet absent. I tell myself it's room to hold more space for others. Though people tell me I act so differently than before, and maybe that is the result of the nightmares I've seen.

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