the beauty of poverty

⋆ ₘₐᵣ𝒸ₕ ₁₆ ₂₀₂₅

I grew up under tumultuous finances. I never really got to be like my girl friends in middle school with their candy body sprays and fake nails, even though I really wanted to. Kids would hang out at the mall after class but I never could. When I did have money, I'd just spend it on anime and video games. I know that sounds silly, but fiction transported me to somewhere beyond reality. My life was hard for other reasons, and that escapism served me well at the time. Sometimes I'd look at other people's beautiful lives on the internet and compare them to my own, but there's a lot of good in where I am.

Buildings made from brick that were designed to reduce repair costs, timeless tombs. A working mother excited to see their kid run towards them from preschool. The rainbow bags of dollar chips that make that loud crinkle sound when you pick them up. The pleasant surprise of a helado cart. Life is a vivid sensory experience. I feel I can amplify the vibrancy of the colors I see whenever I want. I don't feel pressure to imitate the top echelon of society, I'm my only concern. I still admire glamour it's just not the source of my happiness.

I've embraced that I don't know what's ever going to happen. Moment to moment. It might sound crazy but I don't really care about working for a paycheck. I'm fine with working a job, but they come and go. I think people get hung up on the idea of getting a big check regularly because it casts a comfortable illusion of stability. Industries and companies change all the time. Surprise lay offs happen too. I don't think that necessarily means swearing off jobs entirely is a solution, I just see them more as experiences rather than life paths. The phenomena of working the same job for your whole life is fascinating yet alien to me. Everyday is a new day in the big dark unknown!