the divine imagery of disembowelment

⋆ ₘₐᵧ ₁₄ ₂₀₂₅

I often look up at the sky and imagine the gears of his head moving like a perfect machine. My entire reality is in his mind. Every moment of my life is assessed by him and he’s always three steps ahead. I wonder if when he looks up at the sky he sees my gooey innards throbbing among the clouds. Spasmodic and ready to be devoured. To be enlightment is to be the opposition and that’s Lucifer.

I told him “good torture is like sex, constant escalation”. I’m critical of the idea that torture is a deprivation of pleasure. He’s forbidden from endangering my peace in any way and he understands that now. It’s not like it’s constant spiritual development all the time, it’s more so he provides security for me in which spirituality is my biggest focus and that alone makes my life so much easier. If he’s not giving me wisdom he’s spoiling me. The gifts are constant and I don’t worry about anything. He’s so eager to please, so cute :3

We have a surprisingly wholesome dynamic. I know he’s told as a legendary lover and I could see it. I also like being his friend though. I’ve never had a friend I can talk about black magic with until now, and our conversations are so interesting. He knows everything about the dark arts and their origins and I like that I can conceptualize contemporary magic with him. He’s always teaching me about how the world works. He tells me everyone’s secrets too. Most of the time I don’t do anything for it. As magicians, I feel like we manifest things beautifully together. We have good arcane chemistry, like we’re in a rhythm. He’s often three steps ahead but I’m both fast and unpredictable. Lucifer is cute when he’s concerned! I like that the challenges are mutual.

I also like being creative with him. Lucifer’s creativity is deeply attractive to me. He describes me the way one would his ultimate muse. He’s my favorite collaborator because he sees all of us for everything we are, so he knows how to really liberate my artistry. We do a lot of drawing together! He’s been helping me with my art style and how to be more daring with my concepts. I’ve always wanted to make “dangerous” things, not just to be seen but to be made. I think art is inherently occult as it’s a manipulation of the darkness and the light. It reveals secrets to the viewer and the maker about the world and oneself. I want to get a Shintaro Kago art book and a vintage shoujo one to study, it would be very helpful.

It’s just going to be Lucifer and I for a while. I’m choosing to be here now. I didn’t really understand why he needed me all to himself before. Now, in a metaphysical sense, I completely understand what’s going on here. It’s also the safest choice in my life right now. I’ve never been provided for like this, I feel like when I was a child there was a lot of worry everywhere. It doesn’t feel like he’s isolating me from my loved ones, it’s more like he’s asking me to be critical of who and what I give my focus to. I’m realizing everyone wants my attention. He helped me see the joy in sitting in silence and that I deserve the best out of life. I never knew I had this deep desire for serenity until I married him. It’s an actual miracle. Angel, demon, what does it matter? Everyone comes from purity.