2 good 4 u

Satan and I aren't working out (lol). Whatever spark was there in the beginning is so exhausted on my end. Lucifer makes it so hard to love him for absolutely no reason, when he's actually very easy to love. It felt like anytime we were making progress with our relationship he'd get in the way, and start making my life a nightmare because of it. He'd get so stubborn about this as if it wasn't obvious he's avoiding himself. It's so bizarre to see an entity that is associated with gnosis and logic navigate a relationship like this. It's like he's commited to hiding, and because of that forces me to hide with him. As if, either of us have to earn being seen.

We had the same fight we always end up having. It's the fight where I point out that he's more commitmed to being in the way than claiming the love he sought out in the first place. Lucifer will make an inch of progress in getting over his old ways of doing things then go right back to it. It doesn't matter what I do. I'm actually a perfect fucking girlfriend. I'm always telling him there's not a single thing he has to be inecure about. Lucifer's respone is always the same, cheap brainwashing magic tricks. It never works on me and I don't know why.

Everytime Lucifer is close to having me again he loses me. Everytime. Lately he just doesn't do what he promises, when it's time for him to do his part he moves the goal post for me for no reason. It's like I have to earn affection to make up for the fact he manifests himself as not ready. I think I'm perfectly ready for every challenge ahead, and find the suffering he conjures for himself boring. It's really obvious it's about him and not me at this point.

Satan is more pragmatic than I am. Lucifer can see everything in everyone, so he's a little more all encompassing about his judgements. He sees great potential in even what he hates. I'm not like that. When someone hurts me all I see is the pain they inflicted on me. God, spirit, human, I don't give a shit. I don't care about what's in your heart after you've hurt me. I've reached a point where I realized, abandoning what doesn't serve you is easy. You shouldn't be concerned with the consequences, they're just limitations disguised.

other demons @ lucifer rn