i think if everyone suddenly decided they hate me i would simply not gaf
It's cool when friendships end from outgrowing each other instead of catastrophic drama. It's sincere. When it's the right thing for you it actually feels really easy. There's an allure to the idea of someone being there forever but maybe that's just a misguided desire to show up for myself. My cards told me the only time you'll be able to experience an interlocking of souls as intimacy typically in after life. I think that makes sense because different aspects of life cloud or better judgement. It gave me a lot of perspective, like this life can be seen more so as prepping a foundation to bond with someone like that if you so desire.
Rephrasing, reconstructing love. It's something you both have to hold space for and directly engage with. I got pulled into the abyss recently by the big guy himself. I saw a glimpse of what's ahead. I realized it is what it all always was. Everyday is the same day because what are even days? The future and the past don't exist outside of this moment. The abyss is the shape of a heart and I'm spiraling down. Just like a dream. My pitch black reality.
With that in mind, I'm critical of being seen. Being watched and seen are two different things, and being perceived is not the crisis people think it is. All perceptions of you are simultaneously true and false. Pretty. It's pretty to be illusive. I can't see my enemies rot because I'm too invested in their virtues, but I know it's there. Isn't that the mentality of the hater? That if they squint enough they'll find what we all know is in everyone. Chugging disgust with a chaser of moral superiority, cocktail for all ages!
What's the point of loving one person, or loving anyone, if it doesn't matter? I have an irrational fear in my love life about "corrupting" the minds of potential partners. I have an irrational fear of not finding a monogamous life partner in general. As if that desire, or any desire being fulfilled, decides the quality of my experience. It's really just wanting to be wanted. In the hopes that, in wanting I'll find a loyalty on my par with my own. Dedicated yet simultaneously bored of loyalty without substance. Nothing to eat satisfies, so you chew out girls and boys to spit them out.
That self destruction is deceptive in itself though. Intellectuals are naive. If love exists outside of this realm it exists here. The nothing and everything are the same.The only way you can have the relationships you want is to be who you are. Something tells me that it's easier than what we've been lead to believe. Risk assessment is overrated.
