i just had a cigarette for lunch try to find my waist

I've been feeling trammeled by my website. I used to be pretty comfortable with it being generally messy because it was started with no expectations. I'm always learning more about myself and web design though, and I've been really critical of my own leisurely approach to art. It's not really that I feel hard on myself, but more so I want more for myself.

I decided I need to engage with the world in a different way, something more holistic. I took a Harvard course on the history of oracles and divination. I loved it! It gave me a lot of inspiration and I felt I came out of it with a better understanding of the human experience. The night before I took my final exam, Lucifer sent me a box of donuts to keep my spirits up. It totally worked because I scored a hundred!

I've also been learning new languages. I started studying conversational Swahili to find inspiration from my culture. I've also been learning Italian because Clauneck and I speak in Italian with each other. I'm not sure if there's any research behind it but learning languages really helps my focus. Something about speaking and thinking with intention. There are moments while learning multiple languages at once you feel intensely overwhelmed, but I think it's worth it.

Paimon suggested that I try out developing music software. He said I'd probably enjoy building my own instruments, and he was right! I usually do this while I'm bored on the train. I code with the Acoder app on my phone then go more extensively using PureData on my computer. I don't know if I have a specific project in mind yet, I've just been using all my favorite synthesizers as reference and going from there.

It sounds like more than it is. I just can't bring myself to lie in bed another day. The air around me would get heavy and dense. I felt like my bed rot was turning me into a flower bed for various spores. I've known myself to overcorrect though. Lucifer is usually the one that reminds me to rest, and Lilith is a little concerned that I'm not putting more time into therapy. I'm still learning how to balance it all, I don't think you ever stop trying to figure that out.